The Truth About Your Thin Friends
These are some Deep Thoughts from a Chief Admin~ I took a little trip with a fantastic group of women I know a while back (ok it's been more than a while thanks to COVID but this is a good reminder....so I'm reposting it) and it really stuck with me.

I met them on the internet, many of them live near each other and share an alma mater or other common threads.

We all share a common bond and they’ve been a fantastic group of friends I’ve grown to cherish.

Many of them didn’t realize until months and months AFTER they met me what my life used to be like. They don’t know my struggle to get to this version of me.

They don’t know that most of my life was spent watching people like them on the sidelines in my size 28 clothes. Waiting for a time when no one is looking to sneak another roll off out of the bread basket. Not wanting to take the stairs because I just plain couldn’t. Not wearing the cute tropical print sundress everyone else is wearing because Lilly Pulitzer doesn’t have a deal with Lane Bryant or the Avenue.

That weekend was eye opening. I’ve known since about 6 months after my RNY surgery that it was ME and not my genetics, my medication, my sore back that caused my weight gain and Post-Op REGAIN. That it was me and my choices that made me get to 330 pounds…lose about a hundred thanks to my Lap-Band then REGAIN 150 (YUP, MORE than I Lost and I didn’t even get to goal the first time) because when my life started having some real bad issues I didn’t put anything my Dr said to do into practice and went right back to my old habits and used moderation to justify my food choices. 

But there’s some magic to staying in the same room with people who are “naturally thin”.  Here’s a few of the things I noticed.

1. We craved & ordered the same foods. In the lounge where we were building our own Asian salads, they went heavy on the lettuce, veggies and protein and skipped the noodles and went easy on the dressing too. They didn’t blink when I asked for veggies instead of the mashed potatoes at dinner. And no one asked why I didn’t grab a drink with my meals or why I didn’t share any of the the giant kitchen sink sundae they ordered for the table one night. We all got SUPER excited about the stone crab claws at lunch and skipped the fancy tuna subs even though a few of them said how much they LOVE a good tuna sandwich. But more importantly….at meals we talked constantly but NO ONE discussed WHY they wanted something, WHY they were ordering something. WHY they peeled the bun off the burger or why they asked for water instead of a cocktail. YUP some got the full sugar sinfully guilt ridden desserts…but I can’t think of a time when ANY of them finished the dessert OR anything else on their plates to be honest. At every meal each of their plates had food left over at every single meal. And it was way more than just a bite or two. Not one server asked anyone why they didn’t eat it all because they all said how good it tasted as they were lifting the plates away from the table.  And for the record, I knew that if I ordered the Prime Rib or Osso Bucco that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it if I got an appetizer….so I told the waitress/waiter OUT LOUD that I didn't want an appetizer and no one batted an eye or asked me any follow up questions about my decision. Even on a cruise you don’t have to treat it like an eating orgy just because the food is included.  BUT my point here is that I think a lot of us THINK we’re being judged or will be judged when in fact the truth s no one cares WHY you are eating that you are, or why you are NOT eating what you aren’t eating. IF they do, they’ve clearly got WAY too much time on their hands and maybe need some sort of hobby ;) 
2. They ordered salads daily. Even if there was a creamy soup that we all thought sounded tasty when we were looking over the menu or lobster ravioli appetizer, the choices that they made when we ordered were usually salads. Same for that awesome looking pizza on the buffet, they grabbed some salad, found little dishes and put the dressing on the side and grabbed a few crab claws. They started most meals with salad. Being healthy means you watch what you eat and make choices based on your goals, not your Fatbrain.
3. We took the stairs A LOT. One day my Apple Watch logged 18 flights of stairs. It was just easier and second nature when we wanted to go somewhere. I sure as HECK couldn’t have kept up when I was 360 pounds back in 2014. I have bad knees and bone on bone arthritis in my hips. Stairs aren’t easy. I was usually the LAST one with a bit of a gap between us in the group up the stairs but I kept up without jogging and didn’t get separated from them. I did it, and I didn’t feel bad for holding them back because they weren’t waiting on me. AND on more than one occasion some held back with me so we could keep talking. YUP I can climb stairs AND talk at the same time despite my joints because I work out and keep my heart and lungs in good shape. That’s what regular exercise does for you. Who cares what you weigh…you need to have strong lungs and a strong heart so you can LIVE. THAT Should motivate you to get to the gym…NOT weight loss. Exercise to LIVE. 
4. We all got massages on the beach or on the ship and once we all booked them we chatted about how excited we were….funny thing they ALL had aches and pains because they’d been working out EXTRA hard before the trip so they’d look their best. Thin people exercise too and worry about how they look.
5. They didn’t make sure they had snacks for the hotel rooms because we had restaurant reservations or access to a lounge with food. They didn’t snack between meals in fact. They ate 3 meals a day and one day we all missed lunch and a few were OK waiting until after 8pm to eat again (spoiler…I wasn’t OK with that and went and found food.) Snacking between meals is mostly habitual. While many of us do better eating 6 small meals a day after surgery, we really have to move beyond the idea of having “just in case” SNACKS around. Food isn’t hard to find in most circumstances. You can make healthy choices if you want to at the last minute. It’s all in your choices. 

Sometimes it’s hard to believe the changes I’ve made are real. It’s hard for me as I truly WANT some of the foods I don’t order, don’t eat. But what I want more than those things? Are for my pants to zip up. I walked off that cruise ship fitting into my clothes the exact same way I did when I walked onto it. I weigh the same as I did BEFORE the trip, when in the past a vacation meant that I’d GAIN weight and have to deal with that when I got home. It doesn’t have to be that way.  I had this surgery to fit in, to be more normal. While I had a great social life and dated, had fantastic friends etc it always felt like I was on the outside looking IN. Like I didn’t fit in.  Now? Now I know that I fit in. I eat like the normal girls at the table. I can keep up with them. I can sing and dance all night at the club. I can do what I want because I choose to eat to fuel my goals, I am not choosing a life of eating and wishing for a different life. I found my different life and it's pretty fantastic even though it's "normal".  

Now....if you've gotten that far. Have you ever spent time with a "naturally thin" person? Were you surprised by some of the subtle things they do? Like when they get a burger, do they get mayo, mustard, bacon AND cheese? When they are at a steakhouse is it butter AND sour cream on the potato? When you're at a Chinese place do they get a few pieces of fruit on their plate an only make 2 trips up to the buffet bar?